My greatest Envy

I realised that I have just broken one of the ten commandments.

Thou Shalt Not Covet.

I covet. I covet the passion that others have. I covet the decisiveness and direction that others have. I covet, I covet.

Without a passion and without a direction, i realised that i cannot prepare myself for the area that i want to enter. Simply because i do not know which area i want to enter. I cannot tell people, "oh i would like to be a doctor/journalist/lawyer, and i have done blah and blah to prepare myself for it."

Being unprepared and undecided is not a nice feeling. Not a very appealing situation to be in.

I know one thing. I know that I want to serve God in His work. Period. How? I don't know. Where? I don't know. When? I can start now if He tells me what i can do. I have two pairs of hands and a normal brain. I'm not the nicest person neither am i the most talented. I wonder what He sees in me.

Uncertainty is very upsetting, but i have to learn to trust. Learn to have faith in the Almighty who cares. Phew. God please give me peace and faith in You.

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in
you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
Phil 1:6 KJV