Thursday, May 01, 2008

Emo hour

Hi guys. i guess if you are reading this post right now its because you're really tooo bored (like me right now) because i haven't blogged for ages, its a wonder that any of my friends would still consider checking to see if I have uploaded any posts.

Well, some disclaimers. This post is NOT MEANT to make anyone feel bad or apologetic. Neither do i have any single person in mind as i was writing this post. (except of course my family).

If you would like to know, this is how i deal with my feeling. when I'm rather upset or very happy. i like to pen down (or type in this new age) my thoughts. Its really rather therapeutic and helps me to get things in perspective.

I always believe that any upsetting experience is a new learning experience, because each time something makes me upset, that something would be something i have never imagined being upset about. Because if i knew exactly what would make me upset, i would have anticipated it and wouldn't have let myself get upset. (you know how terrible it feels to get upset, so i alway avoid getting upset)

hence, i would pen down my thoughts after an upsetting experience and hence make sure i learn from it. so here goes:

emo hour one: may 1st, 2008

I realized today how much my happiness is dependent on others. Just because others forgot to inform me about a fun outing or basically assumed that I didn’t want to join or even perhaps it didn’t occur to them to invite me made me so sad and unhappy.

This is not Karen. Karen is always so self-assured and well liked by others. She’s always wanted around and desired. Now I know how it feels like to be one of those who are always left out of the group. How down and unwanted one can feel. I guess God gave me this experience so that I would understand how it feels like, to not be “in” the group or “in” the know of things.

Now I understand why some people can, not feel like coming to church or not feel like contributing and simply stay unhappy all the time. It is because they just feel under appreciated by the group or don’t feel that they are worth enough to be wanted around. With that feeling inside, its difficult to want to contribute or be cheered up although the people around them care so much and are trying so hard to help them. Very much the concept of self worth is based on how much others value you.

If people do not think you are important or of value or needed around, a person will probably grow up to feel unimportant, worthless and not good for anything.

Now I know how people can grow up to have such low esteem and be never able to break through their discouragement or depression. Its simply because they have never cultivated faith in themselves or there isn’t people around that person who simply believes that he/she can be successful either socially, academically or any area.

I realize now how important it is for someone to have someone who believes in him/her. How much it keeps another person going through all failures and disappointments.

Now I know how come people who are studying overseas or are alone in the world (E.G. orphans) usually very quickly get into relationships and how those relationships can really make or break them a lot. This is because when you feel like you’re all alone, having people step into your life and show confidence in you, have need for you or care for you really makes a lot of difference in your life. It suddenly becomes what you are living for and determines who you are.

Now I understand why some people can so easily succumb to peer pressure. This is because those friendships or relationships simply mean so much to them and they feel that it determines how much they are worth. Hence, they would do anything it takes to keep those relationships or friendships, for better or for worse.

I am so lucky to have parents that love me and believe in me. Who really makes sure I know how important I am to them and who makes sure that I know how much they love me all the time. Who are always there when I need them and whom I know exactly where I can find them when I need them. I guess that’s what’s keeping me through all the difficulties and pressures of life. I wouldn’t have been able to resist peer pressure through all my teenage years without the fear of losing my friends if I had not parents and family whom I knew loved me more than my friends would ever love me. Family whom I knew I could depend on more than any closest friend when I’m in need.

Where does God come in here? I guess God has blessed me with a happy family and good parents and thus have kept me out of harm’s way all this while. All that I could ever ask for and desire is a family like mine. =)

It seems that God is getting little credit for what I have today but no. I wouldn’t have such a happy family without God intervening in my parent’s lives. If not for the subtle guidance and cultivation of the character of my parents that makes them the loving parents they are, I could never have grown in such a happy family. Without the Christian principles that my parent’s abide by, bad habits and social ills would have infiltrated my family circle and destroyed the happiness of my family.

If not for the watch, care and protection that God has given my family, anything could have befallen and wrecked my family.

If not for the unconditional love that God has for my family and it having sprung up in our own hearts and overflowed to our relations with each other, we would never have learnt to love each other so.

It all boils down to this: all that I am, that I have and can ever hope to be lies in the fact that God loves me.

i guess its quite fun to read other's blogs. sure get to know what's going through their mind. the mysterious mind. hahha.

anyway, have a nice day!


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